Where did all the time go...

The last 8 months has been the most bittersweet experience of my life. I can't believe Berlin is 8 months old now. She is so beautiful and growing so fast. I'm so happy she is now sealed to Josh and Nicola and she has those blessings of an eternal family. I see how happy she is and it helps me remember why I made the choice I did. Its not always easy, some days are harder then others, but I know I did the best thing I could for her. I love her with all my heart and I hope she can be proud of me as she grows up and know that everything good I did... I did for her. I love you Berlin Elizabeth... you are the best thing I have ever done. Thank you Nicola and Josh for being the best parents I could ask for her and for everything you do. I love you all so much.

Blessings

I am so blessed everyday of my life. I get a beautiful reminder of what an eternal family is and why I made this decision to place. Watching my brother with his daughters brings tears to my eyes because it is those sweet and tender loving father daughter moments that I cherish with my dad, and that I want Berlin to have. The amazing spirit I feel is overwhelming and I could never change my decision, I know that Josh and Nicola are indeed her parents and her eternal family. As I am getting closer to the point of physically handing Berlin to them, and relinquishing my rights as a mother and parent, it is becoming very real. But I know as sure as the Savior sacrificed for each of us, that handing her over is the most incredible sacrifice I can possibly make short of giving my life for another person. But even so I can't imagine the vast amount of suffering it took so even after making poor decisions in my life I can be forgiven and come back to Him someday. The love I feel for this sweet child is beyond words and I can't even hold her in my arms yet. No part of this decision is easy... and I do well at hiding the hurting lately... but there is no denying this is beginning to effect me emotionally in a big way. I am so grateful for Clark and Kelsey ... everyday I wake up and thank Heavenly Father for them in my life. And I can't believe how lucky I am to have Josh and Nicola. They are amazing and continue to bless my life everyday. My family has become my backbone through this all and I wouldn't have made it this far with out them... Thank you everyone for the blessings you are in my life.

My story

I am currently 9 months and 2 weeks pregnant. The baby's father wanted nothing to do with her and although I know I could be a single mom and survive... I wanted a better life for my daughter... I want her to have the blessings that come through having an eternal family and having a worthy priesthood holder as a father. I started working with an amazing case worker at lds family services and from there found an incredible couple on itsaboutlove.org. Josh and Nicola (the couple) are the most wonderful people I have ever met and the moment I first saw them I knew that they were meant to be her parents. The overwhelming amount of love I feel for my little girl has made this decision difficult and easy at the same time... I love her enough to want to give her more than I can at this point in my life but handing her over to someone else is going to be the most difficult thing I could ever do. I know this is whats best for us both and I could never do this without all the love and support I am receiving from family and friends. I am so blessed to have found this amazing couple and through this process be able to bless their lives as well as my daughters. I know not everyone can see how incredible this is... and a lot of people may not agree with open adoption or my decision... but this is what is right and this is what the Lord wants me to do and I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. I will always be her mother, but Josh and Nicola are her parents and her eternal family. I cannot wait for the day to see them all sealed together. I will always love my daughter more than anything and that is why I want to do this for her. I love you Berlin Elizabeth Jensen... without you my life would not be the same.

Celebrating 23 years...

On Wednesday March 2 Nicola came down to Mesa to celebrate my birthday a little early. Pedicures were the best thing I could think to do while 9 months pregnant, but even then we celebrated early. It was a really fun time... my mom, Kelsey, and Samantha joined in and we went out to lunch at BJ's afterward. Kelsey, of course, brought the camera and so we got some fun pictures too. It was a great day to relax and have girl time. So thanks everyone who made it possible... and especially mom for treating me to a few luxuries! :) love you all lots!

My new Job!! :)

So I completed my training today for my new position as a Certified Home Caregiver which means; I provide respit, habilitation, and attendant care through the state for children and adults with Autism, Cognitive Delay, Cerebral Palsy, or Epilepsy. I am SO excited to start meeting clients and get to work with these amazing people. They truly are angels sent to Earth to bless the lives of all those that they meet! I also hope that with my new training I can help our family's own little angel too (Logan). I feel honored for this opportunity. Thanks to everyone for all your support.

So last night I went to Erin Ballard's bridal shower and it was so much fun to see so many people I grew up with. Of course everyone noticed I was pregnant and so I got to share my story with a few people and it was a nice experience to hear their responses. I think some people looked at me though and had that instant moment of passing judgment. It made it kind of uncomfortable and honestly for the first time in my whole pregnancy it made me feel like I was like a "low life" ... I can't really think of the right word... It was frustrating. I have felt judged before but not by people that I have known almost my whole life you know... but of course Erin comes up kisses my stomach and goes "Oh my sweet little babee!" :) She has always had this ability to make me feel much better about myself... Then Sister Plastow suggested that we do a shower for me that would be like a "starting a new chapter shower" I thought that would be a fun idea... So yea except I can't really plan my own that's kind of tacky... lol so we will see what happens. Anyway, it was a good time and so good to see everyone. Can't wait for her wedding reception!
Till next time...
Liz

To blog or not to blog...

So... I have never been into this whole blog thing ... but I recently discovered I had one from a few years back. So I have updated it a bit and am going to start trying out this blogging thing. I am now 34 weeks pregnant with a sweet baby girl, and I have made the decision to place her for adoption with an AMAZING couple. Their names are Josh and Nicola and I absolutly adore them! I can't wait for the oppurtunity to bestow motherhood on this amazing woman. I am feeling very good with my decision, and I know this is the Lord's path for me and my little girl. I am so greatful for my family for being as supportive as they are in my decision to have an open adoption. Life is beautiful right now.
<3
Me